A few weeks ago I was really tested as a parent and for the first time I had to decide what path I would take in this journey. This decision was beyond the usual sibling fighting, tantrums and everyday life as a parent and more what kind of parent would I be. This decision was a moment of realization of my strength and that I wanted my children to become well rounded individuals. It was a moment of awakening for both of us I believe.
Let me go back to that moment and explain the events.
I had made appointments for the girls to get their hair cut one night and an appointment for myself the next night to splurge and get my hair colored. This was a “Mommy Only” appointment. While the girls took turns getting their hair cut with the oldest going first, the other sibling played with the blocks and cars in the waiting room close by. When it came to my youngest getting her hair cut my husband sat down with her on his lap while I tried to distract her since she wasn’t keen on the whole process.
When we were done with both girls I went to pay for the haircuts when we all noticed my oldest daughter had red markings around her eyes. At first we all thought maybe she was having an allergic reaction or was just tired. But something wasn’t sitting right with me. So I walked over to the displays of hair products and makeup and proceeded to look for evidence of tinkering. That’s when I found it. A $36 pack of lip color that had fingerprints and smudges in the exact shade of red as on my daughter’s eyes. That’s when I knew…she had gotten into the makeup.
Now at this point I had two options. Not deal with it and just walk out. Or take responsibility of my child and her actions and teach her a lesson. I took the latter option.
After I paid for the makeup and among the many glares to my daughter I knew I had to do something to stop this behavior. Unfortunately this was not the first time she has gotten into things that did not belong to her. She previously came home twice from school drenched in perfume (which caused me to go into a sneezing fit). When I asked her how she got so much perfume on her and her clothes she told me she had “helped cleaning” her teacher’s desk and helped herself to the perfume. Since I did not witness this I could not do anything other than repeat my rule on not touching things that were not hers.
So here laid the problem. How can I teach her that paying for a $36 makeup set that I had not budgeted for was a big deal and not to be accepted? That’s when I decided to have her pay me all her piggy bank money to help offset the cost and she would need to help me around the house with laundry, etc. until the remainder was paid off as well.
But what about the Salon? They were gracious even to reduce the price of the makeup to their cost but that was still $11 of profit that they were missing. What could my daughter do to help with the missing profit and teach her a lesson so she would hopefully never repeat this behavior again. That’s when a friend suggested having her help at the Salon while I have my hair colored the next night and I loved it! While I was there she could fold towels and sweep the floor a bit and write them a I’m Sorry card.
The next night with her handmade card in hand we went to the Salon, just the two of us, and she worked on folding towels and later she swept the floor. Now I did help her by showing her how to handle the broom and even got the tough areas for her but it was a TEACHING lesson. And I was so proud of her for doing it with little complaints. Her only comment was her arms were hurting after sweeping so I responded that the next time she wanted to touch someone else’s possession we needed to remember this moment…the amount of work necessary to pay off our debt and the sore arms from working our debt off.
Now some may not agree with my method. Some may applaud me for sticking to my principals. If fact I’ve lost a really good friend because she disagreed with my parenting. But I can’t help but FEEL that my mother was there in the room with us as my daughter learned her lesson, and my mother was proud of ME.
So whether you agree or disagree, I would love to hear your thoughts, trials and tribulations as a parent and the tough lessons we have to teach our children.
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Awhile back I told you I would try to post something non-deal related as a way to be funny and entertaining and share my life’s mishaps. Well, I still want to write more then deals however I seem to find myself not as funny as I thought as my mind proceeded to go blank. That being said I will continue to write these Morning Muse articles with whatever comes to my mind and hope that you enjoy the break from deals and maybe share with me your stories as well.
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This post was written by Mackenzie
{ 5 comments }
Great job. For real. Accountability is something kids have to learn.
I admire your good parenting skills. That was a challenging situation and you handled it with great wisdom. It would have been easy to just leave the salon, but you took responsibility and showed your daughter a valuable lesson. Bravo. If you lost a friend over it, she might not be someone you align your morals and values with anyway. Our culture needs more moms like you.
Thank you Kristina for the kind words
That was a beautiful lesson that you taught your daughter. While she may not have the capacity to understand it now, one day she will. When she does she will realize the love that you showed for her by taking the time and making the effort to do this. Many would chose “the path of least resistance” rather than making the effort to be your child’s greatest advocate by preparing her to be a good person who chooses the right way rather than the easy way. Your children are blessed to have you.
Thank you Ginger. My children are my blessings and I just hope they appreciate all the lessons along the way
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